2011

Jan 3 2011:
It's school reopen after 3 weeks holiday and i'm kinda ill luck. First day of school after holiday and i'm sick. I really wanted to go school you know and my whole body feel so weak till i can't even walk properly. Whole day lie on bed resting, thanks to my mum who has been taking care of me whole day. Well, i having mood swing also. I don't know why, when it comes to school reopen,i am worried about the problem again! Why am i starts to get jealous when school reopen!? Its already 2011, can't i start afresh? Why am i bothered by the problem again? Perhaps my feelings for her doesn't change. When i was bored lying on bed, i saw things in facebook which i really don't wanna see it. Both Jacky and her are like disturbing each other by posting comments in like each other's wall? I felt so depress and jealous. Thanks to someone who keeps me cheering me up when i'm sick. I really don't like this feeling seriously! I also disappointed in my FE module MST result, didn't get what i expected. Tomorrow, i will go school even though i haven't recovered, guess tomorrow will be a bad day for me. Fokes prepare my bad news bah =(...


Jan 7 2011:
Today still the same, haven't recovered from sickness, but it's getting better. I really wanna talk just that i really no energy to talk. Today i did tried my best to make jokes in front of you, but you seems like never laugh, i really wanna make you laugh and entertain you. It seems that only Jacky and others can make you laugh except mine. i just... haiz

Jan 12 2011
Just back from school and i'm kinda tired. Just my thoughts,after a long period of time, i still don't have the courage to talk to you. I simply don't know why. A simple "hi" or "bye" also can't say!! Am i Mute? I feel very vexed and confuse now. I feel hurt these few days. I even drops tears in class that you never notice. I was putting up a fine status in front of you, have you ever wonder my feelings when i'm alone or when i'm not around you.

Jan 19 2011:
Although today is a short day for lesson but is my worst day in my life. I never felt so jealous and hurt before. I seriously never felt this hurt before. After hearing her conversation in class, i felt so hurt and jealous. I can even on the spot drops tears in class. I really don't like this feeling seriously! I really wanna talked to you but really don't have the courage! The whole day thinking how i gonna talk to you. I'M SO HURT!


26 Jan 2011:
Haiz,5 months has just passed away, time flew pass so fast. Up till now, me and her still the same, less talk but only thing that never change is my feelings for her. This few weeks, i really really wanna talk to her but then i still don;t have the COURAGE! Friendships between my classmates and her is getting tense and further apart. Sometimes i see her sitting alone, i wanna accompany her and talk to her but then no courage to do it. My hearts wants me to accompany her, but then my brain ask me to ignore her. I REALLY... haiz. I have no time left before academic year 1 ends =(


Feb 6 2011:
First of all, Happy chinese new year to all of you. I'm sure you guys are enjoying yourself during this festive season? Although i myself also celebrate that season, even brought my whole family to Malaysia celebrating CNY. I bring them go eat good food =D. I trying my best to make them happy, not to make them worried and make myself happy. Every time end of the day before sleeping, i will think of her. Grandma asked me why my eyes are red and stayed up so late haven't sleep. I've told her i can't sleep and asked her go sleep first. She told me sleep early because i've been driving whole day and asked me what happened. She seems to know i am sad. Anyway thanks grandma for the concern. =). I admit during these few days at malaysia, i will still think of you and even drop tears outside homeland. Hope you are happy and enjoy your CNY. =)

Feb 7 2011:
Today is the first day of school after CNY. At first it was nothing but after awhile i found out something that makes me so jealous and angry. I really hate this feelings. I SERIOUSLY HATE IT! she went to sentosa during CNY. How i know this, is through her facebook. I know it's wrong to stalk her but then you must understand if you like someone, you will secretly stalk her profile. In the picture, i saw her and one guy taking picture together. Once i looked at it, i feel so jealous. I immediately control myself not to vent my anger or feelings out. I TRIED MY BEST NOT TO EXPRESS IT OUT! WHY LIKE THAT!? I almost drop tears in class. Can anybody understands my feeling? It really hurts you know when you personally see her together with another guy during her outing. It's not wrong to go out with other guy but i didn't get any chance to have outing with her, accompany her. The comments of the photos from her friends say are they dating? It seems that i didn't have any chance to woo her. I have no choice but to pray in front of gods and express out my feelings. I know it seems stupid and foolish but i really don't know what to do! Up till now i still don't have courage to talk to her after so long and friends advice. My barrier still haven't break you know. In the end i cried at home. I've told god, i really want to change and is serious. Even i saw her sitting alone, i dare not sit besides her because i really don't have the courage. She might think i petty and hate her but seriously actually not. 心里很痛, 你知道吗?


Feb 13 2011:
Tomorrow is valentine's day, in the end i don't have the courage to ask her out. Anyway exams is coming soon, i think she will be busy revising her work. Today Grandma asked me why i look so sad this few days even during CNY. In the end i told her why and story about me and her. Grandma told me i was wrong in the past. I did admit that and i regret. I showed her how good she treat me, contact lens, clothes, birthday cake and etc. But Grandma told me don't feel regret, asked me to perform well in front of her and slowly she will talk to you. After listening to Grandma's advise and console, i feel better and decided to listen to her, perform well. I hope it is not too late. Thanks Grandma, i love you and for encouragement. Jacqueline Chua Jia Ling, I willing to change and prove it to you, i hope you can give me a chance to perform. >.<

Feb 14 2011:
Today is valentines day and i really miss you so much seriously. I wanted to give u a gift but in the end have no courage to do it.And i worried that you have outing with other guys. I REALLY MISS YOU!